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i was chatting with my friend shannon about graduation, and i told her something to the effect that nothing changes after you walk across that platform. and in reality, it's true. there is a zen saying that goes, "before enlightenment, chop wood, haul water. after enlightenment, chop wood, haul water." that singular moment that i experienced didn't change a thing about me that wasn't already in the works prior to that day. i'm still relatively the same person, i still perform roughly the same actions i did before, and i still feel relatively the same. i use the words relatively and roughly for a point, though. things do change, but it's the dawning of a new relationship between yourself and society, a new contract that one enters into. (note: this is not to say the contract is the best thing, but these are reflections on current practice. i neither accept nor deny their theoretical implications)

my relationship with the world has changed significantly. my person hasn't, the actions i have to perform do. later the next week, i was sitting in rocky rococo's having pizza with my fiancee waiting to go and see shrek. at the table next to us were a group of college kids, freshmen or sophmores most likely, talking very derogatorily, giving people a hard time, and even belching and drawing up phlegm in their throats. normally, i'm a live and let live kind of person, but this seemed to strike me odd in the post-graduation time. i quote my good friend guitano in saying "a lot of things change when you move across that platform," and at that moment, it did.

how to explain it. i felt a certain bit of esteem realizing that i had accomplished a goal that few people can honestly say they have. the slip of paper, the four to six years of time spent, the papers, grades... all of it is meaningless. i had poured my heart and soul into the last five years of my life, soaking up all the information i could and generally getting an education. i don't think many people really do that in their college career. i know what i was supposed to know, and i now know a lot more that i'm glad to know. philosophy helped a great deal in this respect, but it's more than just academic work. it's the social atmosphere, the relationship i'd made and lost, the non-academic experiences. all of these things is something that most people do not have. i lived college to the fullest, almost to excess. i milked what i feel is more than the average for a college student. and i've always strived to be above average. ::smile::

these kids, and i mean that in the fullest sense, were sitting there, missing out on that experience, and i pitied them. i also realized that i was above them in the pecking order, and that added to the esteem as well. not in any degrading sense that i'm better than them because they are worse, but because i made myself better than them. i had advanced myself. things appear different. perception is skewed to viewing the world from the eyes of a college graduate. things are differently perceived, but my actions remain the same. i had accomplished something - something that has placed me in a slowly growing crowd of people that can say they experienced college.