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a new way of looking at... life >> amy, not mrs. joseph |
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so i went ballistic once again. it happens every two months to relieve the tension and anger i feel towards the world, kind of like a pressure valve. sometimes i praise the day i ever took feminist philosophy and curse the day as well for these kinds of outbursts, however necessary and justified they are. tradition has a way of slapping you in the face and making people look like deer in the headlights. it's time to once again talk about how the patriarchy sucks, and ways that i am changing it, slowly but surely. call it activism.
my new wife and i were going through wedding cards after the celebration back in illinois. the gifts were a whole other issue entirely since most people like to completely ignore the idea of a wedding registry in favor of buying gifts people don't particularly care for, though i digress. after the gifts, though we started in on the cards. thanks in advance to all the gifts and cards, by the way! anyway, card after card after card and some checks were addressed to 'mr. and mrs. joseph dobzynski, jr.'. i threw a fit and made my opinion known then and there. my wife amy is *not* mrs. joseph dobzynski, jr. this particular carry over from generations and generations of tradition has driven me to a point of insanity. now, my wife did take my last name, partly because it would be easier on the kids (i pity the poor third grader who has to write out joe lichthardt-dobzynski iii or something similar) and mostly because i have this legacy i have to protect in my family for the first son that we may or may not have. it seems silly, but this was the thought process. plus, amy was kind enough to believe that 'what's in a name?' philosophy is true. so, i admit, she did take my last name, and still has problems not signing her new name. time heals all wounds. back to the lecture at hand. it should be made clear that just because amy took my last name does not mean she is consumed into my wishes, wants, and needs. she does not become my property or housewife drone. she is a human being with a name of her own - amy. her name right now is amy m. dobzynski, not mrs. joseph. she will one day have accomplishments of her own and should not be bound by antiquated traditions to never be recognized for them. she will have her doctorate before i do, of this i am sure. how does it work then? dr. and mr. joseph dobzynski jr.? i think not. i think what bothers me is that when people hear me rant about this, they look at me like i'm either crazy or being bothersome. the latter i can take because now people have to remember two ways of doing things: the old way and the right way. the former is just another sign of how deeply enmeshed the patriarchy is in our society. i speak up because i don't want my wife's identity swallowed by the fact that she is my wife, or that i make more money than her (right now), or that she may eventually have children. she is a person, with feelings and a say in matters way above what i may 'allow' her to do. right. |