a new way of looking at...     writings >> maxwell despard >> confusion

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have you ever loved,
      or been loved?
have you ever fucked,
      or been fucked?
birds of a feather...
...the shit is on my hood

I loved,
      and got fucked
it happens, you have to cope

I don’t want to love,
I don’t want to be loved,
I don’t want to fuck,
I don’t want to get fucked,
and I don’t want to long for you

you are confused, aren’t you?
      ...as am I...
that’s what happens when you love,
      and get fucked

I’ve questioned, lied, lost
I can’t say it wasn’t worth it
it was fun, while it lasted
I never just lusted,
and I never lied...
      ...at least not to you
but now I’m coping,
now I’m moving on

striving, rather...
you didn’t even try,
which makes it harder...
...yet at the same time, easier

again, confused
better to fuck...to block...
      cognitive apathy
      bound hormonally
      fucked mentally
      I loved you, truly...

...do I, still?