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a new way of looking at... writings >> joe dobzynski jr. >> excerpts from a depressed mind |
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this week i have been racked with a serious bout of depression, the kind that sinks right down into your gut, past your core, and into your soul. it makes you re-evaluate everything in your pathetic life to make sure you remember how programmed you are and how there is little one can feasibly do about it without hurting others. and that's the catch... we don't intentionally want to hurt people, at least not at the beginning. and for someone like me, i don't want to do it at all except in my weakest moments. the car moved quickly out of the empty parking lot. police tape lined the scene of a former accident, since now the accident is a reality. another dreg of a day passed, and it was time to get some food. the upside to the day was the completion of work and the opportunity to be free and alive before falling asleep. funny how we take the perceived creation of happiness out of our everyday misery as something of a gift when we impose the misery on ourselves. depression is a cure for the ignorance we all face. driving down zelzah ave., i turn to my solace this week, a slice of divinity placed into the dash. glorious sitars, strumming guitars, trumpets, strings, a cacophany of rebellion against the mediocrity of perpetual existence. yeah, i say. right on. it's all one big delusion we place in front of our eyes, constantly seeking more and more happiness for less and less of an exertion of force to break the standing inertia to create the moving inertia. friction is the problem, and that comes in all shapes and sizes. what we need is spiritual grease to get it all going. hey now now now now now hey now na-na hey. "and if you need a friend, i'll be right by your side / and if you need a lover, you'll have to leave it all behind / and if you need direction, the world can seem unkind / so listen closely, my love... you have time / you're doing just fine" so why fight it? that's the problem. fighting it creates friction, gives us a reason to announce defeat or at least a retractable sigh against the impossible fight. life is what you make it, after all. the future is what you make it. it's not about the big picture, or the small picture, or the picture at all. it's about right now. and you can perceive it how you will. my friends are right by my side. my lover and i left it all behind. looking for direction, the world really is unkind. but i have time. and i'm doing fine. yeah, i say. right on. extracts from a depressed mind coming out of the mire and into the moment. the depression keeps itself mired in the past, and the delusional focus on the future. me? i keep my eyes to the present. i keep my face to the sunshine. and i keep my ears to the sound of the now. |