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       To whom it may concern,

       By the time you read this, I shall have exited this life and all its pain for the silent peace of death. The first question you may ask is 'Why?' Was it a terminal disease? No. Was it an addiction? No. Was it depression? No. No. No. And it wasn't denial either.

       I did it because I abhort what lies ahead of me in this day and age. Once I get done with my schooling, I enter a job which I am bound to hate, making money that is never enough, own possessions that are not good enough... all for the wonderful delight of dying in the end. If that isn't pointless, I don't know what is.

       But won't your friends miss you? Your family?

       Oh yes. Think of the others you eternally conform to. The world will not fall apart if one flawed individual leaves, lessening the pile of crawling people trying to make a living by one. The fate that awaits me otherwise is monotony and subhuman and petty. Pointless.

       I have no identity in this world. I believe I have no soul to risk in the ultimate game called life. It's like playing poker without any stakes: not playing, pointless. Pointless.

       And as I put this gun to my head, I have to really wonder if I'll have the guts to pull the trigger. The guts that everyone in high school said I didn't have. And I wonder if I will truly hurt those who cared about me by leaving. And I wonder if I am destined for something greater. Pointless questioning. And I wonder with amazement as the gun slowly falls to the table from my hand. I guess I did have the guts they said I didn't have.

       My head jerks left to the sound of a car pulling in, and I stare at the setting sun painting the skey in shades of red, the colors of blood. I laugh to myself and realize this is it. This is the end. The end of the questioning, the end of the wondering, the end of everything... and the start of something new.

       The start of a new life within myself, a life when I attack those that have laughed at me, love those who cared for me. The start of a new perspective. I laugh to myself as I pick up the gun and put it back unloaded.. as it always was.